A War between Remembering and Forgetting.

Its not the break-up that you have to get over with.
Its the life that follows it, sudden realization that you’re not going to hold my hand, when the stereotypical aunties won’t be looking at us. It falters my hands now. 
I will be waking up, checking my phone, but the notifications will not be from you, until 6 weeks before. 
Is it bad if sometimes I still hope that you’ll wake up one day and miss me?

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Getting hurt over love is so powerful that it’s even worse than physical pain. You’re crying your eyes out and you feel like a useless pile of dirt that no one cares about. You’re completely out of hope and you know nothing is gonna change, it’s over. But deep down you have one tiny bit of hope left that everything will be okay. That last spark of hope… you use it to pray. You try it out, because you feel like there is nothing else you can do. It’s the last thing you can do. It’s your last chance of getting better.

It hurts so much, so much. There is nothing I can do. Parting away with you should be ‘even’. You take 50, and I take my 50 of everything we have. But it never happens like this, our lives are not fairytales and we are not entitled to a happy ending. We just get an ending, the part which sucks is the realisation that it is the ending and not the end. The ‘-ing’ to end makes it much more different. The prolonged stage consumes you.

“Little by little everything gets brittle”
I remember the map we drew to our paradise, and the painting which we left incomplete, all of it lives within my mirrors.
The realization that moving away from you is walking on a circle, every step I take thinking I won’t reach to you again, leads me to you every time. It is even worth it?

The time when we were called love birds and we discovered our happily ever after. God, I felt the happiest EVER and I couldn’t even think about this ever ending. I’ll hate god for this, always.
And no matter what happens, I had you and there is nothing so strong to break us apart! The midnights who witnessed the times we spoke our hearts and minds out, the same midnights are very silent and the silence is deafening. It’s not empty, it’s very much full of everything you left me with. It just doesn’t belong to me and I don’t know how to deal with it.
People tell me, it’s a broken heart you left me with.
Then maybe, guess I’m a broken hearted man and it’s not a good thing to live with. Not even comfortable. This doesn’t make sense and it can’t because there is no sense without you in anything.
No songs in my playlist.
No light after the dawn.
No best annoying drama I have to worry about.
And no best part about this life. Just not.
And how easily you tell me to forget it and break the promise and start all fresh.
Reminding me that there are so many fishes in the pond, but you don’t understand that you were the only fish, in my entire ocean.

This delusional heart of mine prays every morning that I actually wake up but the battle to forget you or follow you continues, and I lose everyday.

Did I really deserve this?
Is this what you get for loving someone with all your heart?

I spent the last night reminiscing all those beautiful moments we spent together.
Every time we fought.
Every time you tried to apologize with your silly gestures. (Remember?)
All our conversations about life.

I saw the two of us to be more than friends.
And all that, I blame on you.
I blame it on the affection you gave me.
I blame it on the nights that you lay awake listening to me when I was upset.
I blame it on how we both couldn’t live without each other.
I blame it on how you made me feel so special.
And now that we have distanced,
I crave for that affection.
And now that its all gone…
I miss you.
But at the same time, I wish you could keep that distance from me.

Even if I were to love you, I’ll still let you go for someone you really deserve and wonderful.
Someone who doesn’t mourn over past.
Someone who does let go of things which made him the most.
Someone who really has something to sustain you.

Yes, Go for him.
You deserve to be happy!
(But, if he turns out be a jerk, I’m coming!)