A War between Remembering and Forgetting.

Its not the break-up that you have to get over with.
Its the life that follows it, sudden realization that you’re not going to hold my hand, when the stereotypical aunties won’t be looking at us. It falters my hands now. 
I will be waking up, checking my phone, but the notifications will not be from you, until 6 weeks before. 
Is it bad if sometimes I still hope that you’ll wake up one day and miss me?


Getting hurt over love is so powerful that it’s even worse than physical pain. You’re crying your eyes out and you feel like a useless pile of dirt that no one cares about. You’re completely out of hope and you know nothing is gonna change, it’s over. But deep down you have one tiny bit of hope left that everything will be okay. That last spark of hope… you use it to pray. You try it out, because you feel like there is nothing else you can do. It’s the last thing you can do. It’s your last chance of getting better.

It hurts so much, so much. There is nothing I can do. Parting away with you should be ‘even’. You take 50, and I take my 50 of everything we have. But it never happens like this, our lives are not fairytales and we are not entitled to a happy ending. We just get an ending, the part which sucks is the realisation that it is the ending and not the end. The ‘-ing’ to end makes it much more different. The prolonged stage consumes you.

“Little by little everything gets brittle”
I remember the map we drew to our paradise, and the painting which we left incomplete, all of it lives within my mirrors.
The realization that moving away from you is walking on a circle, every step I take thinking I won’t reach to you again, leads me to you every time. It is even worth it?

The time when we were called love birds and we discovered our happily ever after. God, I felt the happiest EVER and I couldn’t even think about this ever ending. I’ll hate god for this, always.
And no matter what happens, I had you and there is nothing so strong to break us apart! The midnights who witnessed the times we spoke our hearts and minds out, the same midnights are very silent and the silence is deafening. It’s not empty, it’s very much full of everything you left me with. It just doesn’t belong to me and I don’t know how to deal with it.
People tell me, it’s a broken heart you left me with.
Then maybe, guess I’m a broken hearted man and it’s not a good thing to live with. Not even comfortable. This doesn’t make sense and it can’t because there is no sense without you in anything.
No songs in my playlist.
No light after the dawn.
No best annoying drama I have to worry about.
And no best part about this life. Just not.
And how easily you tell me to forget it and break the promise and start all fresh.
Reminding me that there are so many fishes in the pond, but you don’t understand that you were the only fish, in my entire ocean.

This delusional heart of mine prays every morning that I actually wake up but the battle to forget you or follow you continues, and I lose everyday.

Did I really deserve this?
Is this what you get for loving someone with all your heart?

I spent the last night reminiscing all those beautiful moments we spent together.
Every time we fought.
Every time you tried to apologize with your silly gestures. (Remember?)
All our conversations about life.

I saw the two of us to be more than friends.
And all that, I blame on you.
I blame it on the affection you gave me.
I blame it on the nights that you lay awake listening to me when I was upset.
I blame it on how we both couldn’t live without each other.
I blame it on how you made me feel so special.
And now that we have distanced,
I crave for that affection.
And now that its all gone…
I miss you.
But at the same time, I wish you could keep that distance from me.

Even if I were to love you, I’ll still let you go for someone you really deserve and wonderful.
Someone who doesn’t mourn over past.
Someone who does let go of things which made him the most.
Someone who really has something to sustain you.

Yes, Go for him.
You deserve to be happy!
(But, if he turns out be a jerk, I’m coming!)

Only Love can kill and keep you alive to feel it.

You will fall in love with a broken person, at least once in your life. It happens to everyone. The odds are stacked against us that somebody or something will have gotten there first and wrenched somebody’s affection apart and left scars in those things we call our hearts. And the broken person you love will be hesitant and skittish and nervous, but that doesn’t mean they deserve any less love just because they’re afraid of being burned again.

You know what’s heartbreaking?
Its not when you don’t get what you want. And not even when somebody hurts you. Also not when expectations crash downhill. Its when you undergo a downfall and refuse to get up. When you refuse to try it again. When you just sit there and weep over your broken pieces. Waiting for a miracle to happen. So that you need not see the pain of joining those billion pieces to make yourself whole.
Its when you give up on yourself. When you start self sympathizing. When you start giving others a chance to put you down. When you loose all hope of filling that void. But you know what? Its okay. Its okay to cry over your broken pieces, but its not okay to leave them like that. Its okay to be scared, but its not to loose strength. Its okay to love again. But this time fall harder. Fall deeper that you can never get over it. Because this time fall in love with yourself. Because what you can’t do for yourself you can’t expect someone else to do for you.
And yes its okay to get your heart broken. Its not okay to stay heartbroken.

As there are different depths to love, I believe there are different depths to heartbreak. It only makes sense that the shallowest of loves leaves the shallowest of cracks, while the deepest of loves causes our hearts to undergo a sort of shattering. Love might be all that you think it is… but it can’t save damaged people.
I’ve been in love with a broken person. And I’ve been the broken person.
So trust me when I say this that no good can come out of loving someone who can’t handle it.

But you will love them, no matter how much you try not to. No matter how much you say you don’t. You’ll watch as they pull themselves further down, and sometimes drag you down too. They’re not trying to, but between keeping you at a distance and not knowing how to love you back, even if they want to, there’s a whole host of complications that bubble up when a broken person is loved by someone else.

Eventually, one of two things will happen. They let you in, bit by bit, and you learn slowly how to let them fix themselves; or you lick your wounds and move on. One is not more or less noble than the other. One hurts a little more. One is a little more rare. Both have the potential of breaking you. Both have the potential for you to learn that love is not something you force upon someone and demand they return, but something that you have to offer freely. Something that nobody’s obligated to accept. Whether or not they’re ready to take it. And if they’re not ready, then they’re not ready.
All you can do is love them. All you can do is be there for them. And if you’re lucky, they will learn to love you, too.

Hopeless Crush.

We often fall in love in the most hopeless places!
The only love I know and approve is unconditional love, and relationship on the basis of such strong feelings should be about – giving everything you have and not expecting anything in return!
Having a constant fear of losing the other one and eternally missing them, because you want them to be with you for most of the time, by your side!
You don’t get into a relationship, to show the world that yes, you love her, you get into a relationship, and make her, your world!

And the toughest of all, doing what’s best for them, even if it means your absence!

A feeling full of bliss and disappointment. 
A pain too tough to tolerate.
He’d never expect her to love him back.
For him she was like what an ocean is to a coastal city, his life revolved around her life.
Waiting for her replies was his favourite job, what else could such a hopeless person do?
She was the final, completing piece of his heart, while he was just another piece buried in her inbox.
He was a broken man, and her smile was his medication, he always wanted her to smile.
He would always pray for her peace and satisfaction, her needs came before his needs.
To be loved by her and see her smile, were his only wishes!
Why would he even ask for more? 
She was his hopeless crush, 
who gave him hope, to love once more in life!

Do you remember how we spoke to each other everyday?
And the days we didn’t, we always felt that void?
I still remember how I feared the fact that if we spoke to each other on a daily basis,the way we were talking at that point of time,we would get used to each other, and later it would affect the both of us.
Still, you said it didn’t matter to you.
You said talking to me made your day.
I was extremely important to you.
I warned you.You didn’t listen to me.
More than anything, I wanted to keep a distance from you because I realized I started to fall for you, more than what I did when I first knew you.
But for your sake,I let everything go on the way it was.
I shouldn’t have had.
Because now, I am stuck at such a point where I can’t see myself falling in love with anyone else again. Even if I do, I know that there is a way I loved you and I will never be able to give that amount of love to anyone else again.
Even though you know how I feel about you, you pretend like nothing is wrong.
And that pain kills me.

Now, I actually wish we hadn’t ever met.

You’ll always find me here.

Oh, this is not any declaration by a broken heart neither is it something random. This is what I write after having the sudden flashbacks. Sometimes I’m fine for days and I can focus on what I have, and sometimes nature plays with me in its own way, and I wake up as if I met you yesterday only.
And I rarely get to sleep. Trust me.

I know her heart, I know it will disturb her current relationship and I don’t want her to break-up now. I want her to be happy and love for everyday of her life. Watching her makes my day, and I love her with all I have. Always and forever.

Believe me, my heart does two summersaults whenever I see her. 
I don’t know, if she cares about my existence or not, but deep down I have been believing that my existence doesn’t bother her. Maybe I don’t want to admit it. 
She moved on too soon, or maybe I’m too late.

Its not one sided, I know her. 
I broke her heart, because I had no other choice. I tried to mend it, but its too late. 
Don’t worry, I didn’t cheat ever. I had to let you go, I had no choice, your happiness was always above mine. I’m sorry, but I have still not given you the truth.

I’m stuck with her memories and the love which never gets off my heart and mind. I often visit the place we first met at very odd timings, and I walk through those beaches at 4 in the morning. I almost feel her there, walking beside me. Trust me when I say this, I can imagine her hugging me as the cold wind blows through my hair. 
She is everything I am made up of, my sorrows, my secrets, my joy and my every emotion. And I don’t know if I will ever cross your mind, and the truth is that she moved on too soon. 
And people tell me, screw the promise I made to her and start with someone better, but I can’t. 
I can’t move on. She is the only one I’ll love in this life and every other life.

I don’t know if she doesn’t come back this week, month, year, life or form. I’m in love with her, and I’m going to hell with this promise. I’m not giving up too soon. There are better than her and they existed even when I had her, I didn’t care back then and I won’t now. She is the only fish in the only sea I got.

I’m ready to die little by little day by day. Cry a few more days, but I won’t let any scar come over her faith in my love and our promise.
It hurts so bad, knowing that its been days now and she has still not left my heart and I have not broken our promise, while she is already going out with someone else.
To many, this doesn’t make sense and it can be so tough to make them believe that my heart is invested in her. But I believe in it, day in and day out.

I’ll love her, until i die, and even if there is any portion of me that is still alive, it will still love her and no one else. That’s my type of commitment and love.

Sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was.

Have you ever loved a rose, and bled by her thorns? Each night you promise to let her go, and then love her more by Dawn.
I could watch you for a single minute, and find a thousand things I love about you.

Everything happens for a GOOD reason.

This phrase eats me up. It makes me feel small. Does everything has to happen for a good reason? Maybe or maybe not. 
I have failed at every instant to find the good in our goodbye. 
There can’t be anything good in it. 
You’re the collateral damage. Every thought of harm to you is self harm. 
And thus parting away from you is like dividing one into two unequal parts. Yes, the heart doesn’t break in even. It never has and it never will. 

What’s good about it?
Certain things happen, because they are meant to happen and they aren’t always for the greater good.

There is suffering in pain, there is hate in your eyes, and above all ,there will be love for you in my heart, forever and always.

I miss you breathing in closer proximity to me. I miss the realisation that sometimes universe is not stars and galaxies but sometimes it wears a fancy hairband and shimmering anklets. 
I miss how you and I, were once us. 
Your hand fitting into mine, with an upward curve on your lip, as if it’s meant to happen.
Happens not for good reason, but for you.

If it requires my heart to break, to mend yours, I’ll do it. 
For you, a thousand times over. And a million more to go.

She told me that she should not have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but how can it be a mistake when I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch her?

Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t .I can’t go out and find someone new.
Because I always think of her.

Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin.
I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.

I want to wake up every morning thinking about the t-shirt she sleeps in, the way she holds her bicycle’s handlebars, how she turns shower knobs like she’s opening a safe, how she blows out candles!

Now, I just think about who else is kissing her.
I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once – he does not care if it’s perfect!

I want her back so bad, I leave the door unlocked – I leave the lights on.

( Who is cutting onions in my bedroom? Onion ninja? )

You’ll never exist anywhere, but in my Dreams

what’s the best way to confess your love to someone who doesn’t like you back in the same way?

“Do you love me?” she asked, unsure of what I might say. She couldn’t make eye contact and had uncertainty in her voice.
I told her I did; because I really, really did. I told her the truth and no lie.

“Prove it,” she challenged, as if she didn’t believe me and she said it straight out, clear eye contact and as loud and clear she could get.

But how couldn’t she see it? The way my eyes lit up the second they met her? Or the way I couldn’t keep a straight face whenever she was around?

How could she not hear the smile in my voice when we talked on the phone? Or feel my hands shaking when she held them?

It was the little things that made me realize I was in love, and it’s the little things that can’t be proven.
How do you prove something which effects someone so much and how can’t you see it?

I guess she found her reply in my silence and failed attempt to explain something so obvious, that she couldn’t notice.

So she went with someone else. She picked someone who showered her with gifts and physical proof of his love. And I guess that’s what love meant to her.

— from a book I’ll never write.